This is the master list of the text-based Conversations Within Elsydeon that I used to stick on the end of my Phantasy Star Discussion Board posts. People even seemed to think they were funny.
For a while it was a minor craze, or possibly a plague, and many of these are therefore done by other people. We're at over a thousand right now which just goes to show we all have way too much time on our hands.
I've also attracted a couple of artists with suitably bad taste to my cause. Tapion drew a group picture of some of the Protectors for the 300th Conversation Within Elsydeon celebration and Wren-O-Matic has provided a couple of CWE comics done in the one-panel style of The Far Side as well as the picture of Odin just below.
If you want to submit any CWEs, just email them to me, Joel Fagin, at joelfagin@hotmail.com.
"You have no idea how difficult it is to look menacing in pink." - Alis, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Rolf caught me when I was robbing his house, but I covered pretty well." - Shir, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Polymate? Looks like a burger to me." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I do have opposable thumbs. It's just that the lid was one of those damned child-proof ones." - Myau, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Force? Not Falz? Yeah, that was one hell of a lisp he had. Too many fangs I guess." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"How's Palma doing? Uhhh, I kind of have a confession to make about that, Alis..." - Lutz, or perhaps Noah, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Ha. Ha. Very funny. Now someone give me a bottle opener before I die of thirst." - Myau, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Me? I never called it Elsydeon. It was just a sword." - Alis, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"All that trouble to get Laconia weapons, and the only thing which was effective was my gun and Noah's magic." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Stop calling me a 'her'. It's not my fault the Governor's senile!" - Noah, or is it Lutz? Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Boy, talk about stony looks!" - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"You like this belt? Snake skin." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Yeah, well, next time we find a thousand year old mirrored shield, we'll remember to polish it." - Lutz, or maybe Noah, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I should've known it was the humans when big yellow M's started appearing on the First Food shops." - Noah, unless it's Lutz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I never knew how badly language could corrupt over the years. One year I woke up and people were calling me 'Lutz'. Just like that." - Noah, aka Lutz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Guns? On the landrover? So THAT'S what the big red button was for!" - Alis, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Demi couldn't find the hovercraft, but she's stubborn. We ended up driving a HYDROFOIL across the ground. Let's just say the farmers didn't need to plow that year." - Rune, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Alys never figured it out. I paid her my wedding fund in order to stay with her, but she went and bought me armour worth ten times that so I could keep up in a fight!" - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I never figured out why Alis wouldn't just let us drive over the monsters. Mind you, it would have been pretty revolting if we tried it with the Ice Digger's drills." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"One of the humans called us the Knights of Nei, and then they all collapsed laughing. I never understood that." - Rudo, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Rolf never really appreciated how useful my technological know-how was in a fight until I found Motherbrain's power switch." - Kain, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Some of the earlier models could turn into vehicles, but kids kept stealing them for joy-rides." - Wren, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I want to know who went through all the caves on Palma and bricked up the walls." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I had a quick look through the pieces of Motherbrain. Aparently it was built by a Earth company called...uh, what was it? Oh, yes. Microsoft." - Kain, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"It's better to light an Tandle than to curse the Darkness. Ha, ha!" - Raja, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I never should have said he could call me what he wanted. Rolf eventually decided on 'Prat'." - Hugh, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Myau never got involved in the fight against Lassic. He had a catnip plant in the corner, the cunning sod." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Monsters, demons, robots, undead, Zio, Dark Force, Daughter, the Darkness herself, and, would you believe, a big fat bird with baubles hanging from it's head." - Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"You're swing is STILL way too slow." - Alys, In A Very Predictable Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Have you heard the one about..?"
"Yes."
"Well, what about the one with..?"
"Yup."
"And the one which had the..?"
"Oh, yeah."
"How about..."
etc
Noah and Rune, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Not much more room in this sword, heh? I guess it's all souled out. Ha! Ha! Full to the hilt! Ha! Ha! Ha! And even - OUCH. Okay, I'll be quiet." - Raja, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I am running rapidly out of these things. Maybe I need a new gimmick." - Joel, Conversations, Um, Outside Elsydeon
"Where's the bathroom in this thing!?" - Raja, as written by Hatless, ripping off Joel's Conversations Within Elysdeon :P (by The Hatless Dezoran)
"Imagine I've said something incredibly witty here." - Joel, Lamenting a Dry Spell of Conversations Within Elsydeon
"&%$#*@^&!" - Joel, Who Is Too Frustrated To Think Up A Conversations Within Elsydeon (I'd had a bad day)
...and then I ran out. There was a lengthy period when I wasn't using them because I had none left, but I was bored one day, and opened up my little text file with the things in, and started Batch #2...
"*sigh* There's nothing to chase in here." - Myau, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Hey, where did you get that Laconia axe? It looks just like...it IS mine! How did YOU get it?" - Odin to Gryz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Well, I NEVER wanted to eat a nut of Laerma!" - Gryz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"...and then we were attacked by ANOTHER pack of Sworms, but it was all good experience. I grabbed my trusty axe, only the iron one, of course, and...Hey! Come back, guys! I was just getting to the good bit!" - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I can't believe Rolf actually opened it. I mean it had 'Pandora' written on the top and everything. I bet he touches wet paint to see if it's still sticky." - Amy, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I don't care if you DID need the space for another sol-dew! I entrusted the Silver Fang to you, and I did not mean for you to sell it!" - Myau to Rika, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Hi, I'm Rolf, and this is my clone, and my other clone, and my other clone, and... hey, it was a tough mission, alright? I died a few times. Big deal." - Rolf, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I've got a strange tattoo on my arm. A 'C' inside a circle. It must be some human symbol for something." - Nei, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Really? I got one too. Except it's on my.."
"RIKA!"
Rika & Chaz, continued conversations within Elsydeon. (by Stig H.)
"It would be a lot more boring in here if Wren hadn't downloaded the humans' entertainment library. Oh, look! It's my favourite part. Go, Ripley!" - Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"So tell me, how do you actually use a ribbon as armour?" - Rika to Nei, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I don't want to destroy Algol! But I really, really, really have to go the bathroom and the warden won't let me!" - The Profound Darkness, conversations within the alternate-dimensional prison (by The Hatless Dezoran)
"Mmm... shortcake!" - A ringworm, conversations within Rocky the dog (by The Hatless Dezoran)
"Get your elbow out of my stomach!" -Josh Kain, conversations within the Jet Scooter made to seat 2 Motavians (by The Hatless Dezoran)
"If you think milk coming out your nose is uncomfortable, you should try mineral water." Stig H., conversation when reading Conversations Within Elsydeon (by Stig H, who had just recieved this list in the mail after requesting it from me before I had put it online)
"What did they expect? They give me a gun, so I shoot people with it. No-one told ME that the Neishot was powerful enough to breach Noah's hull." - Rudo, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Hey, guys. Nice to see you all again. I don't have any new tenants, but I thought I'd drop in and be sociable." - Didi, Conversations Within Elsydeon
(...which I'm sure no-one will get. I just thought it was convenient that Dea- uh, I mean 'Didi' had a nom-de-plume which was four letters. Go on. Someone get it. Surprise me.)
"It was very tempting for us all to jump out and shout 'BOO!' when Chaz took the sword. Alis overruled us, though. She didn't think it would help matters." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Oh, yes. I, too, have many fond memories of wiping zombie vomit from my face." - Odin to Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"It is unfortunate that only my organic parts had a soul." - Wren The Floating Face, Conversations Within Elsydeon
Chaz: Rika, stop scratching up the furniture! Really, you can take those Guard Claws off now, PD has been defeated!
Rika: Well if SOMEBODY would buy me a scratching post, why wouldn't have this problem, now would we?
-Conversations within Aiedo (by The Hatless Dezoran)
"Whoops! Wrong turn!" - Cloud, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"It's kind of crowded in here, isn't it? Good job we killed the Darkness when we did, then." - Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Did you have to let Raja join your party, Chaz? An eternity of his jokes, cooped up in here. Ack!" - Kyra, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Woah, do you get HBO on this thing?" - Chaz to Wren, Conversations on Zelan (by The Hatless Dezoran)
"Every time Alis talks to me, I have this urge to say 'Beware of traps in the dungeon'. Beats me why." - Gryz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Zio tortured me in order to find out how to get into Nurvus. I managed to hold together when he threatened to replace my OS with '95, but when he found some old Windows 3.1 disks... [shudders]" - Demi, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Is there no network-connections in here. I haven't had any updates for centuries." - Wren, Conversations Within Elysdeon as borrowed from Joel Fagin (TM). All rights reserved. (by Stig H)
"I think he's from Algol in a parallel universe. I can't understand much of what he's saying, but I THINK his name is Tyrone..." - Noah, Or Whatever He Calls Himself, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Anyway, then we went over to Noah. No, no, not THAT Noah. I meant the person, not the ship. Yeah, maybe we should call one of them something else to avoid confusion..." - Rolf, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"It was really crowded on my back, especially when people started swinging their weapons around. I almost lost my wings!" - Myau, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Come on, guys. Lighten up. It's not MY fault Dark Force took over my body." - Seth, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"You know, through the whole PD thing, I got the feeling that we were controlled by some great, unknown force. Did any of you feel the same?" - Chaz to Alis and Rolf, conversation inside Elsydeon. (by Stig H)
"You know, I was happy that everyone would help me and all, but the way they were walking RIGHT behind me all the time? It really freaked me out." - Chaz, conversation inside Elsydeon. Copyright Joel Fagin (TM), all rights reserved. (by Stig H)
"I swear Wren, I didn't touch your posi-bolt!"-Kain, converstations within the scattered pieces of Elsydeon (by Conspiracy Guy)
"Mother Brain kept on saying we were 'Infra-Red', and that we weren't allowed in the 'Ultra-Violet' sections. And she kept telling us to smile and that she was our friend. Whilst still trying to kill us, you understand." - Hugh, Conversations Within Elsydeon
(Another one that maybe none of you will get)
"Now, I'm strong, but have you ever tried to CARRY a landrover?" - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Ha! Only once? WE had to fight Dark Force THREE times!" - Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Get a haircut. And a real job." - Alis to Rolf, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"No, that's just what went down to posterity. In truth, we just pushed Lassic out of the window. Two miles, straight down." - Odin, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Don't be silly. There's a huge variety of names for Musk Cats. There's Mowl, Myau, Meow, Mieu, Myeu, Miew, Myeu, um, Myaw, Miaw, er, Mael, Mawl, uhh... Okay, I see your point." - Myau, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Actually, I was trying to figure out who it was a statue OF. I don't think the sculptor was very good." - Rune, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Oh, her attacks were no problem, but Mother Brain insisted on singing a gods-awful tune as we were killing her. Oh, how did it go? 'Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do...'. Something like that." - Kain, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I always wondered why I heard a voice saying 'Come, Alys. Come towards the light.' and then giggling. You guys just couldn't resist, could you?" - Alys, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Of all the stupid places to manifest." - Dark Force, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I'm sure the Dezorans were bemused at the path of snowmen and snow angels Rika left behind her." - Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Don't mind me. I'll only be here until my friends find an Inn." - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon During Phantasy Star 4
"Me again. Sorry, I didn't move fast enough." - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon During Phantasy Star 4
"Oops! Hi, guys. Yeah, again." - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon During Phantasy Star 4
"Ouch, that one hurt. Hey! I don't see what's so funny! I'm a scholar, not a hero!" - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon During Phantasy Star 4
"Yeah, I'm back. Could someone help me fit my head back on?" - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon During Phantasy Star 4
"No, don't worry. I won't be back for a while. I'm going to quit the hero business. It doesn't agree with me." - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon During Phantasy Star 4
"Um. I, uh, tripped down the stairs. My wife knows to find an Inn, though." - Hahn, Conversations Within Elsydeon Just After Phantasy Star 4
"Just before we met Zio, Chaz took my armour and weapons off me. It's like he knew I was going to die anyway..." - Alys, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Oh no! Look at this, guys. A rust spot!
.....
Fooled ya! HAHAHAHAHA!" - Raja, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Rika did her best cutsey, wide eyed expression on the Profound Darkness. Have you ever seen a god gag?" - Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Being in this sword is great. We get to fight on against the Darkness, be heroes beyond our deaths. The only down side is the close up views we get of monster innards." - Rolf, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Flaeli, huh? You youngsters and your fancy words. In my day we called it 'fire' and nobody had to wonder what the blasted spell actually did." - Noah, or Lutz?, to Rune, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Oh yes, that robe is much more practical. I always had trouble running in mine." - The person who should make up his mind if he's Noah or Lutz, to Rune, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I went through a 'punk' period when I was young. You know, dyed my hair light brown and combed it neatly. It was pretty radical." - Rolf, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Stop rubbing against my legs. That's not what 'Eight Strokes' means." - Alys to Myau, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"Why was I the only one to die with a piece of string on me?" - Anna, Conversations Whilst Entertaining Myau In Elsydeon
"Rika insisted we go back to Dezoris and buy a pet penguin, because it was 'cute'. We quickly found out why the Dezorans never let them inside their homes..." - Chaz, Conversations Within Elsydeon
"I wish the Profound Darkness would come back to life. Sitting in this museum is boring." - Amy, Conversations Within Elsydeon